My Life

Because of You by Kelly Clarkson is a great descriptor of my life, sometimes. I sometimes feel betrayed and hurt by a person I'm close to. Unlike Clarkson and her lover, I am used to the feeling from my parents. Many people would call me a "heartless asshole," because I can set my feelings aside and say things that people won't like.
The family I came from is very military oriented. I have been trained to set my emotions aside to do what needs to be done. I felt very betrayed when they decided not to support my decision to attend college. They expected me to join the military, like everyone else in the family. I chose to be the first in my family history to push for an education past high school. My parents don't think I can do it, so they refuse to support me. I am proving them wrong, however. So, it makes me wonder who is really being betrayed. Them for realizing that I am going to succeed despite their attempts to thwart me. Or am I the one being betrayed because I have a family who tells everyone that I'm failing, just like they said I would?
The song really relates, because when I do need something, like a new computer, I have to go to them about it. So, even though I'm being betrayed, I still go back to them.




Anchors Aweigh, Navy theme song is a really fun song, if you can sing it. I was raised with this song, since my family is very militia oriented. Not everybody was in the Navy in my family, but they were all in some form of military. My grandparents happened to be in the Army, as did their fathers, and their fathers before them. Being raised with military traditions can be odd for those not suited to deal with the harshness, and strict guidelines. Many people look at me and say, "how can you live with that?" I tell them that it's not too hard. It's in my blood having a strict structure to run my life. When they tell me that they can't see me in the military, with a gun, I only laugh.
"Do you see me in the military, with a gun? No, I didn't think so," is what I would reply. I do know how to hold my own in a fight, having the blood in me. But, I never use it. I am a major pacifist. I will try to solve any problem peaceably before resorting to hurting my foe. While it may not look like I am capable of violence, it just takes a couple jabs in a few pressure points to know down an opponent.


Zombie by the Cranberries is another descriptive movie of my life. My family, being military oriented, have all served in either the Navy or Army ever since all of the males have immigrated to America. My maternal grandfather's side has fought in every war that the U.S. has ever been in, starting with the Revolutionary War. My grandfather is actually cousins with General Douglas McArthur. Not direct cousins, however.
Having family in every war is a major pressure on one. I am the first not to participate in the military, despite the pressures from my family. I'm just not a gun holder. Zombie is a good video, because it shows what I am trying to stop by refusing to go into the military. I'm not opposed to war and violence, I just can't stand to take part of it. I am a firm believer that violence should only be used in self-defense, or defense of others. I don't believe in the oppression of others and that it should be stopped at all costs. Even though, the all costs could mean the destruction of a society, I am of the belief that is it better them than us. If I have to destroy someone to save my loved ones, then I will.
Many people view me as a pacifist, which I am. But, what they don't see is the rage I can pack when pressured. Having both parents in the military teaches you a lot. I have learned self-defense from them.



Magic has been another factor in my life. As a child, I loved Charmed. I always wished I could have had their powers. My all time favorite power would have been Paige's. Who wouldn't like the power to teleport and move things with your mind? I remember the days back in Oregon, when my little brother and I would walk the mile downhill to catch the bus. We would always play Wizards and Warriors. I would be the Wizard and he the Warrior. Together we fought all sorts of demonic forces that opposed us on our trek. The Puddle of Doom, the Midget Hill of Chaos, and the Cliff of the Underworld were a few of our more dangerous nemeses. The Puddle of Doom consisted of a ginormous puddle in the middle of the road we had to trek around, stopping occasionally to poke a stick at the water to ensure that nothing would attack us. The Midget Hill of Chaos; nothing more than a fire ant hill. My brother and I hated the "neurotic little pissmires" as Aldo Leopold once said about them. We would torture the things like no other. In winter, we would dump cold water on them. The Cliff of the Underworld was a ten foot drop we had to carefully navigate down, because if we slipped, it HURT!





As you can tell, I'm a major lover of Hakuna Matata in many languages. This is because I live by the law of life: what happens happens for a reason. Don't fight it, just embrace it. When it's in music, that just adds to the magnitude of it! When you have something in song, the whole world can understand what it is you're trying to say. That's one reason I love trying to learn languages. Some come to me easier than others. Japanese, for example, I'm finding really easy to learn. Spanish, on the other hand, is raping me in two ways from Sunday! I just can't get that language down. Yeah, I know some translation, but I can't do major stuff. Just simple words and phrases. Japanese is a language I love. It just seems to flow off my tongue. People may ask how I can learn a language with no letters in it. I just tell them that I find it easier, because I don't have to teach myself that the same letter can be pronounced differently in different languages. I just have to learn a whole new alphabet. It comes naturally to me, because learning something you have never even tried doesn't give you much option for variation.



La Vie Boheme from Rent is an extremely catching song to me. It teaches me to go against the flow. While the song itself may be a bit on the raunchy side, it describes my friends and I perfectly. We can be some of the dirtiest people anyone could ever know when we are together. We take little trips to "naughty stores" just to see some of our friends turn new colors. In fact, four of us went the other day to a raunchy store on "O" St. The three people I was with were girls. One of them is Asian American. We love to make fun of her turning sixteen shades of red. We've even named one of the colors "Asian Red." We aren't insulting the Asians, it's just an inside joke. All four of us have 0ur quirks that individualize us. One of the girls is the "slut" of the group (no, she's not really. She's a virgin). We have the whore of the group. And the rainbow of the group. When the four of us are together in an XXX store, some people really turn colors! Usually Justine, the Asian American girl, due to the fact that she is so innocent. When we went to the store, she noticed a couple naughty things in the shape of Jesus. As of now, she can never think of Jesus in the same way. She always thinks of the naughty toys, that are also mentioned in La Vie Boheme.